Short articles of my observations:

I am who I am The best that my mind can say about me
Nature of my mind It like to be in aimless motion
How to enjoy life By learning to live in the moment
How to be the master of yourself Get your mind under control
Thoughts from Eckhart Tolle's book: THE POWER OF NOW
I know that. The basic knowledge from my experience

God and our reality To make sense of life and ourselves
Life's purpose Basically, it's to enjoy it
Religion The advantages and the disadvantages of having a belief system
Study of consciousness Quotes from different websites

 

Who am I or what is "I" or "me"?

Probably there is no other subject that effects us as the answer we give or not give to the question, "Who am I?" 

With the help of different teachings I began to observe myself and my life. The first thing I realized was that I was not my body, my mind or my emotions. Often they were using me. I was not in control of my faculties (as most of the people I new).

Let me explain:

I've used my mind very intensively most of my life. Often to such an extent, that I had hard time to fall asleep and that is when I've realized that: "I am not my mind". I was using my mind but more often than not, IT was using me, (who ever me is) to satisfy its own need of motion. I was suffering, like an addicted person.

When I started to observe myself I realized that I was considering myself to be what I identified myself with. At times I was the sensation of love. At other times I was the emotion of anger; or the thinker, when I was thinking; or the body when I was hungry, thirsty or sick. I was mistakenly considering myself to be what I identified with.

So, who am I?

Nothing!

I am Nothing, to speak of, or you can say I am the consciousness, the Being or the intelligence that lives in my body but at times my servant the mind is my "jailer", unfortunately.

The best that my mind can say about me is "I am who I am". My mind is not capable to comprehend or describe me, because "I am" is as nothing to my mind. But it can observe and see the effect of "me".

From my birth or before it, "I" attached itself to the brain and began creating my mind or you can say the software programs for the brain, which is a biological computer. My mind is my creation, with the help of my parents and everyone else around me.

When I, the Being, is using my mind to think of God I am really thinking of myself or you can say that my mind is thinking of me - it's creator, probably. I got so identified with my creation that began to think that I am the mind, living in my body.

I am me - consciousness. I have a mind - software in the wonderful biological computer that has some kind of life of its own. And since I, as most people, have failed to bring it under my control - to think only when I need to think and not when ever it wants - the result is disharmony and suffering. Probably the greatest mistake humans made is to think of themselves as the mind - not see the difference between themselves and their mind.

Take a closer look, don't let your mind frighten you, observe and see that there is you - the intelligence and there is your mind - an instrument.

I am life or a being looking out of my eyes and experiencing living by using my mind and my body senses, but for what purpose? It seems that, the "I" in this body is discovering itself through self-expression and endeavoring to become conscious of itself and becoming the "embodiment" of unconditional love.

There are many people and organizations who would be glad to answer the question of who and what you are - that is part of being a member of a society. But each of us lives our own life and ultimately has to answer for himself the question, "Who am I?" This is, in many ways, a life-long learning process.

Nature of my mind

As I observe my mind I see that:

1. It runs by association - one thought leads to another - just like in a dream. It seems to like to do that and to go on endlessly. It's preferred state is (day) dreaming. It does not like to be tied down or disciplined but we all discipline it to different degree.
2. I use my mind to reason and to work out solutions to more and more complex problems as the knowledge and experience increase.
3. When I want to use my mind intensively to think though a problem, it resists. But when it gets going it does not want to stop. It wants to "saw the sawdust". It seems to like to be in aimless motion.
4. Mind is a great tool but also almost an impassible barrier to that which lays beyond it. According to mystics, beyond it are indescribable beauty, joy, love and contentment but my mind does not want to let me go beyond it. For if I go beyond it then, that would mean that my mind will have to be still and it would not have my attention - its life energy and with out it, it seems it cannot move - daydream.
5. To stop the aimless chattering of the mind (the back ground noise) the mystics have devised many methods and many forms of meditations. I have tried many of them but my mind is like a mutating virus against them.
6. My mind seems to get excited by my desires especially when they are emotionalized. It does not matter to it, whether they are positive or negative, excitement or depression, as long as it gets to move.
7. One morning, when I woke up I was tired and could not continue to sleep, because my thinking was at full speed going from one subject to another, rehashing all the important subjects that I have been occupied by in the last few days.
   When I realized that I was mentally tired I turned my attention to my mind to try to work out why, but that did not help, I was getting even more tired. So I got out of bed and started to analyze the nature of my mind with a pen on paper and basically the above was the result. After writing the above I've noticed that my mind (or is it the brain) was not as tired as it was before I started writing. Probably because for the time of writing the mind was under my conscious control. It was not using me I was using it.

There is a part of our mind that I would call for now - the automated part of us. Some call it the ego others call it a personality, or emotional body, or a soul or a subconscious mind. The automated part should be helping us but it does not always do that, because the programs are "outdated". They need to be updated.

We think that we need to automate most of the things we do in our life, of cause not all, otherwise we will be as boring as automated machines. There is a subconscious tendency to automate every action we take. It was to be automated reaction to the events in our life for our protection. The automated part of us was to be our helper, but the mind has done so "good" of a job automating our life that the robotic behavior has taken over our intelligents.

When we observe our behavior consciously we will see that a lot of the automated reactions are not appropriate. They do not help us. Often they cause us more problems, especially in our relationships. They cause pain to us all. We need to reprogram our subconscious that it would not panic, react in fear or pride but allow us to respond in love. We should realize that our relationships cannot be programmed. People change. They do not always react as we expect them to in a given situation.

The part in us that can be most trusted in our relationships is what I would call the intuitive mind not the reasoning or the subconscious mind that reacts. To do that we need to learn to be calmer and not hurry but consciously choose if we are to trust our reasoning or the inner voice (intuition) in that moment. This behavior will reprogram our subconscious.

Thinking is a resistance to what is - a non-acceptance of what is. As in Bible story of Adam and Eve - they wanted more than the paradise their Creator gave them. The mind is very limited in its knowledge but yet it keeps on insisting on changing what is and usually creates disharmony wherever it goes. Probably the mind is the most fearful, selfish, arrogant and possessive creation on earth. It derives pleasure or energy by being egotistical. May be that is its paradise. Every time I identify with my mind or use it I give power to it, the mind enjoys it.

I am talking about my mind not about me. Observe yourself carefully and see for yourself how often your mind does that, what you know is foolish. Some call it the sin nature in us but to me it seems more like the nature of our egotistical mind.

At times I find myself reacting irrationally and under closer observation, I see that it is the "programs" that I have developed for automation or for self-protection that have sprung into action because certain conditions were replicated. I have created so many of these "programs" that I do not remember when and for what purpose I've created them. Then when they got triggered on I thought that it was I who got frustrated, angry or jealous but it was the "programs" that got switched on and when I identified with them I became emotional.

The emotions, positive or negative, seem to create some kind of a "bridge" to another realm from were some kind of entities can cross over, get me even more excited and use me for their own satisfaction at my expense. After it, or may be the next day or after, I feel downcast.

When I began to still myself and observe I began to realize that I could stop these programs before they start, by not identifying myself with those thoughts or emotions.

The most helpful and practical explanation that I came across about emotions was that, it is the body's response to what is going on the mind. If I am worried - thinking about the future, in fear or angry I will feel it in my body appropriately.

I was trying to comprehend - how does my mind works how does it get me so easily to identify with it. I knew that to arrive to a better decision the mind takes at least two opposing sides and lets them fight it out (something like playing chess with oneself). My mind is doing just that, right now when I am imagining that I am trying to convince someone of my point of view. Then I thought of a duel with observers to illustrate this point.

Imagine, I am the impartial observer at the duel but then for some reason I decide to side with one of the opponents and before I realize it I am so identified with him that I have totally forgotten myself - I became him.

This illustration has helped me not only to understand how my mind works but also how easily I get lost in my minds activity. I should not take sides but be an impartial observer. I know it is easier said than done, especially in the beginning. But if I am to be the master of my mind then I need to do it. Practice makes perfect.

When I am tired and I want to stop thinking, the mind agrees with me and starts giving me reasons why I should and how I can do that but before I realize it I am side tracked by associative thinking into some more unnecessary thinking.

When I want to stop thinking, or I feel emotional, or in pain, or as soon as I realize that I am thinking unnecessarily; what helps the most for me is to immediately transfer my attention to my inner feelings - to my body sensation. When I realize that my attention has drifted off the sensation I persistently but gently keep bringing it back, with out resisting or getting frustrated. Just letting all tension go, accepting what is, lovingly observing myself identifying with the sensation.

The key here is to be consciously aware of all that we do, especially to be aware of our thought life, if we are to learn to enjoy life.

How to enjoy life

As a father, what more can I wish for my children than for them to enjoy life to the fullest and for them to help others to enjoy it too. Would not the Creator desire similar for me?

What does it mean to enjoy life?

For different people it means different things but basically it is a pleasure we feel in our body, like the touch of a loved one or a mental pleasure, like achieving a goal.

We enjoy ourselves when we identify with the joys of those we love in life or in the movie or in our dreams or even in our daydreaming.

Our body seems to be the most straight forward to please especially when our mind is behaving wisely. But our mind is another thing - it all depends how we have programmed it or have allowed others to do it.

Most can organize their life in such a way as to enjoy the pleasures of the body but few can keep their mind on the road of enjoyment. They fail to keep it silent or thinking only on the matters that need to. Their mind strays into imagination - thinking about the past or future and the result is suffering needlessly for them and usually for those around them.

In other words our attitudes and our understanding in the situation makes a big difference to whether or not we enjoy ourselves. The real enjoyment of life is in the present moment - in the NOW.

Let me illustrate the reality of the moment:

Life is like a flowing river and I am like a speck on the rock experiencing the droplets of water as they pass by. The moments are like those drops. The only reality for me is in those moments that are touching me as they pass by, but they are threat to the mind. So it thinks about the moments that have past or from past experience it imagines what the future could be. And while it is imagining, I am missing the reality, the moments of beauty that are passing me by. As someone said, "To be enlightened is simply to be absolutely, unconditionally intimate with this moment. No more. No less."

Future is only in imagination. It is experiencing the imaginary world from memory. Which is a fantasy, an illusion of the mind that could be enjoyable for a time but invariably turns into gloom, worry, doubt, anger or fear.

How to get back to reality?

Become the master of your mind.

How?

I was reading and reading on this subject and consistently kept observing myself, my thinking, my behavior, my reactions, especially when I was with people in whose presents I was easily upset or when I was lonely.

For me it has been a slow process, with plenty of trials and errors but as the drops wear away the stone, I am beginning to see the results. I am becoming more and more conscious as I am learning to live in the NOW. I am enjoying my life more and more, as my mind is less controlling and as I think less, unnecessarily.

I've noticed that when I am trying to achieve my desires I am not enjoying my life. Often because I am trying to get more than I need (programmed by advertising, probably). How foolish can you get? It happens usually when under pressure of time or "friends". I have realized that it is better to enjoy life with one item than be miserable with two.

I am beginning to notice that nothing is tedious or unpleasant at the moment of doing it, unless I think unnecessarily, instead of just experiencing what comes my way. I've noticed, that in the nature when I am being still, at rest, just observing and being aware of "everything" - not concentrated on anything in particular for long, I experience beauty and joy.

There is joy or ecstasy that is beyond our body or mind that only mystics seem to enjoy it. But for us to do that, we need to get our minds under control first.

I've also noticed that often I fall into a habit of collecting more and more information on a subject instead of doing what I know I should (procrastinating?). E.g. Instead of enjoying life, I read about how to enjoy it. How about you?

It seem to be not an easy task for most of us to get our mind to behave like it should and do its job and not hinder our enjoyment of life. It must be done if we are to enjoy our life. But how do you get the mind under control, to have it serve you all the time and not just some of the time and the rest of the time making you miserable? Try the following approach:

How to become the master of yourself

We have programmed ourselves with the help of others and now we are suffering. We suffer mostly because our brain, the wonderful "biological computer" has been filled up with useless programs; some of them are even harmful. There was a time when they may have helped us but now they are triggered on into action before we know it and they are sucking life out of us. We need to reprogram our mind, if we are to enjoy life. How can we expect something different to happen if we keep reacting as usually instead of responding consciously?

Mind has usurped the authority from the master. It has taken over, like the supercomputer in the horror movie. Now this servant is drunk with power and the master is behaving like a robot.

Thinking of the past and the future is a trap of the mind, to lord over the master. The only way to enjoy life long-term is to be present in the NOW and become the master of your own mind.

This article will be of help to you only if you see the truth of it in your own experience. The information that we get about what others have experienced should serve only as a guide. It is very important to acquire our own knowledge by practicing the techniques that are given.

The best thing we can do for others is to give them the information on how to practice - so that they can know from experience. Otherwise they will always be wondering whether what is said is true. Because the only way to know something for sure is to experience it for ourselves; anything less is theory, speculation or a belief.

Are you the master of your mind? If not and you would like to be the master of your own mind then try to do the following:

Get to know yourself by observation

1. Find out, by observation, if you are the master of your own mind, emotions and the rest of your faculties.

Find out what is not in harmony within you and why. Pain is a signal to us that we are not in harmony with the creation. We reap what we sow.

Observe and see what thoughts, when and why are taking your attention. See what kinds of thoughts are causing you suffering.

2. Discover, by observation, what is important to you. Is it to enjoy life at the present moment or in the future that never comes?

Be aware of how differently you are affected when you give your attention to different mental themes and why.

Discover why you are again and again coming back to the same theme, or thought pattern. Why do you keep sawing the sawdust?

3. Decide! Do you want to take charge of your own life? Do you want to be the master of your own mind, emotions and the rest of your faculties? If your answer is YES, then in addition to the above, the following could help you.

But remember that it could take you years to deprogram yourself. It depends on how robotic your behavior has become. But do not despair, fear or fret, the sooner you start observing yourself the sooner you'll begin to see how your life will begin to change for the better.

Do not run away from your emotional pain - face it. That is the only way to overcome it. Sooner or later everyone has to deal with it. It is our past within us and we need to dissolve it in time. Otherwise it could be the hell that some experience after death. As someone said that "The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life: your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away, but they're not punishing you, they're freeing your soul. If you're frightened of dying and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth." Whether this is literally true or not after death, it certainly is true in life.

Make it a habit to use pain or discomfort as an alarm clock to remind you to come back to the present, to become aware and to observe yourself.

The key is to be aware. Observe and do not identify yourself with what you do not want, like your anger, jealousy, depression or misery. Do whatsoever you do but with awareness. The less you try and want the easier it is to be aware. The effectiveness of awareness depends on the absence of thinking, trying and wanting.

As you will constantly observe yourself, especially your thoughts and see how they affect your life, you'll begin to do things that you want to do and respond in the way you prefer and not react, as you have been programmed.

How to relax and not think unnecessary

1. Be still and bring your attention to whole of your body and relax it, especially your shoulders and every part of your face. Slightly smile.
   If you don't know of any relaxation techniques, do this:
   Start relaxing the muscles of the feet and ankles, then go on up the muscles of the calves and thighs, the torso, arms, neck and face, until all the muscles have been relaxed.
   Done carefully this procedure leads to fairly deep relaxation within a few minutes, and with practice it becomes easier.
2. Breathe deeply for a time, observing your breath going in and out.
3. Then bring your attention to the sensation of your whole body and identify with the sensation. To do that you would need to be very, very still. If you having difficulty to sense the sensation of the whole body then begin sensing it in the tips of your fingers and your toes and then bit by bit the whole body.
4. Regularly (daily) identify yourself with this sensation as long and as often as you can. The more often the better.
5. Go back to the point 3 as soon as you realize that your attention has drifted off your sensation. Be persistent but do not use force. Do not get frustrated. Do not resist anything. Just lovingly let go and observe yourself identifying with the sensation.

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In July 2001, I've come across a book that I think articulates better and in a more practical way that what I have tried to say here. No other book has made sense of life to me as much as Eckhart Tolle's book:

THE POWER OF NOW

A Guide to SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT

"Eckhart Tolle - is not aligned with any particular religion or doctrine or guru; his teaching embraces the heart, the essence, of all other traditions, and contradicts none of them. He is able to do what all the great masters have done: to show us, in simple and clear language, that the way, the truth, and the light is within us. A state of enlightenment is attainable, here and now. It is possible to live free of suffering, free of anxiety and neurosis."

To convince you to get it I have collected at http://koti.welho.com/walkusko/Tolle/ what I've found on the Internet about Eckhart and his book. Please, I encourage you to get the book and not just read it but study and practice it.

Chapter one, which I found on the Internet, convinced me to buy the book. As I read on, it was getting better and better to the last chapter. After reading to the end, I bought few more books to lend and give away.

Following is a compilation or an arrangement of thoughts taken from Chapter One:

"Enlightenment means rising above thought, not falling back to a level below thought, the level of an animal or a plant. In the enlightened state, you still use your thinking mind when needed, but in a much more focused and effective way than before.

Enlightenment is simply your natural state of felt oneness with Being. To regain awareness of Being and to abide in that state of "feeling-realization", one needs to end the dreadful enslavement to incessant thinking. So the single most vital step on your journey toward enlightenment is this: learn to disidentify from your mind.

Every time you create a gap in the stream of mind, the light of your consciousness grows stronger. For most people, such gaps happen rarely and only accidentally, in moments when the mind is rendered "speechless," sometimes triggered by great beauty, extreme physical exertion, or even great danger. Suddenly, there is inner stillness. And within that stillness there is a subtle but intense joy, there is love, there is peace.

Usually, such moments are short-lived, as the mind quickly resumes its noise-making activity that we call thinking. Love, joy, and peace cannot flourish until you have freed yourself from mind dominance. Real love doesn't make you suffer.

All cravings are the mind seeking salvation or fulfillment in external things and in the future as a substitute for the joy of Being. As long as I am my mind, I am those cravings, those needs, wants, attachments, and aversions, and apart from them there is no "I" except as a mere possibility, an unfulfilled potential, a seed that has not yet sprouted. In that state, even my desire to become free or enlightened is just another craving for fulfillment or completion in the future. So don't seek to become free of desire or "achieve" enlightenment. Become present. Be there as the observer of the mind.

The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that all the things that truly matter - beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace - arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken, freeing yourself from your mind.

When you listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. Do not judge or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean that the same voice has come in again through the back door. You'll soon realize: there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realization, this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. It arises from beyond the mind.

So when you listen to a thought, you are aware not only of the thought but also of yourself as the witness of the thought. A new dimension of consciousness has come in. As you listen to the thought, you feel a conscious presence - your deeper self - behind or underneath the thought, as it were. The thought then loses its power over you and quickly subsides, because you are no longer energizing the mind through identification with it. This is the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking.

The predominance of mind is no more than a stage in the evolution of consciousness. We need to go on to the next stage now as a matter of urgency; otherwise, we will be destroyed by the mind, which has grown into a monster. Thinking is only a small aspect of consciousness. Thought cannot exist without consciousness, but consciousness does not need thought.

When you do use your mind, and particularly when a creative solution is needed, you oscillate every few minutes or so between thought and stillness, between mind and no-mind. No-mind is consciousness without thought. The mind is essentially a survival machine. Attack and defense against other minds, gathering, storing, and analyzing information - this is what it is good at, but it is not at all creative.

Make it a habit to ask yourself: What's going on inside me at this moment? That question will point you in the right direction. But don't analyze, just watch. Focus your attention within. Feel the energy of the emotion. If there is no emotion present, take your attention more deeply into the inner energy field of your body. It is the doorway into Being."

I know that.

Most or all of us are told what we are to believe from our childhood, in heaven or hell, God or materialism…

After I have started to read Barry Long's books, I've noticed that most of my beliefs fell off me like leaves from the autumn tree. Now I don't see any need to "believe" but I do "know" or I am convinced of certain Spiritual Truth from experience of life. As my experience grows so is my knowledge.

The basic knowledge from my experience is:

1. That there is Something or Someone we call God - this Being cannot be comprehended by the mind.
   
   I have observed in my personal experience and have seen that He does care for me and guides me so that there will be Truth, Love, joy, beauty, contentment... in my life.
   
   

2. There is a "law" of suffering, different kinds of pain that I naturally endeavor to avoid. When I am in harmony with Harmony of universe (God) there is peace, joy, and beauty in my life, but when I try, or insist on "my" desires or think unnecessarily - I suffer.

   There is suffering that leads to more suffering and there is suffering that eliminates suffering. I use the suffering as an alarm clock to remind me to observe, to become aware and to get back to the present moment. I've noticed that the resistance to what is and the present moment causes suffering.
   

3. Every person has the right to do what he wants to do and he will enjoy or suffer the consequences. We reap what we sow.

   The law of Love or Harmony will eventually prevail. That means it is better for me not to force you to do what I want you to do but I can ask you and you decide. But if you try to force me, then I will hopefully respond in love and not react. I do not know how I will respond. I do not want to speculate or that could preprogram my mind and then I will probably react from my mind - which is not wise.

   I know of no one and I heard of no one that enjoys life more than the one who has learned to love unconditionally. Sooner or later we all will learn to live in the now and love unconditionally. This game goes on forever - or until we succeed.

Everything else seems to fit as a subheadings to the above 3 basics.

More observations (separete page)

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